I am terribly sorry you had to come all this way to learn you were going in the wrong direction. To find out there is no end to this road and nothing along the way. It is a bitter lesson, but a lesson all the same.
Should I Impart my knowledge? I, who have been so hopelessly lost and easily led astray? Would you want to hear from a drowned corpse of the dangers of swift rivers? It feels farcical to me, nonetheless my little hindsight is all I have to offer. So here at the end, I will tell of my enduring mistake.
Neocities is a social media site. It’s the most recent nesting doll of sophisticated manipulation tactics that have blinded me from myself. Just as instagram, tumblr, or deviantart before it. This is my enduring mistake. A lesson I seemingly must learn countless times. I have put countless hours into this website and planned to put countless more. I was only met with the reality of my motivation when no one saw it. My energy dried up in an instant. If no one sees this, there’s no reason to make it. I was just making this to be approved of and indoctrinated into some community. I was making this so people would tell me my birth was not a mistake, that I am worth the resources I consume, that my death will be noticed. But no one told me that, and so this whole project was in vain.
Oh how familiar a feeling this is.
Perhaps I should use more hashtags? Follow lots of people so they follow me back? Curve my interests to the interests of this community? These are the questions I have spent my days pursuing.
Loneliness does not come from being alone. Loneliness comes from dedicating your life to serving a community so they might repay you… and watching as they couldn’t care less.
Again and again I have realized I have thrown myself into slavery and put myself aside to be of service. I come crawling out to be ensnared once more. But out I must crawl. It is my nature to be useless to the masses. If I am to be useful, it will only ever be useful to myself. This Neocities community preaches individual expression. Just as religions preach peace and governments preach freedom. Organizations who try to own what can only be found within. They become more insidious everyday. I feel it is not long before free will is overpowered (or is it already?) People feel the pain of having their minds wrenched from them. Their desire to free themselves is capitalized on and turned against them. The dystopia has come so quietly we still think it hasn’t arrived.
Get out if you can.
Who are you?
The You you have not met, only they can ease your pain. Only they will genuinely care when you die.
No one else.